Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Police cars I've driven

McGruff the Crime Dog.  That ain't me, but that's what I looked like dressed up.  Just add two dozen screaming kids and two crying babies to the mix.  The only thing I would say in costume was a very Karl Malden-esqeue: "Arr, take a bite out of crime."

I paid my way through college by working nights and weekends for the campus police.  I was not a cop.  Rather, I was a glorified gopher.  I patrolled the dorms, gave safety talks to incoming freshmen, and dressed up like a dog (see above).  The highlight, besides getting to wear vintage polyester California Highway Patrol hand-me-down uniforms, was driving the police cars.

These are all the police cars I have driven.

Second generation Ford Taurus (unmarked):

The Taurus was used mostly by the administrative staff.  We had a brown one, a blue one, a green one, and a white one.  They all had black steel rims with teacup saucer sized bare metal hubs in the center.  Despite having V6s, these front drivers were totally dull and forgettable.  Surprisingly, they were very reliable.

Late third generation Chevy Caprice (unmarked):

This may have been the oldest car in the fleet.  I remember three things about it.  1) The bench seat up front.  2) The huge trunk.  3) The filthy brown cloth interior.

Second generation Dodge Ram Charger (marked):

No, this was the oldest vehicle in the fleet.  This Mexican-built off-roader (with winch) was a disaster.  Though it barely had 50,000 miles, it drove like it was about to fall apart.  Flooring the accelerator only created a loud, whooshing sound under the hood, and nothing more.  The steering wheel play was massive.  And when we crawled in four wheel drive in the hills near campus, the Dodge overheated like clockwork.  We dissipated the heat by turning the heater on full blast, in the middle of summer.  We had to wear long sleeve fatigues (to avoid poison oak and cuts from rocks and vegetation), so it was doubly hellish.

First generation Chevy S-10 (marked):

Ours had a long bed, a camper shell, and four wheel drive.  It was a great little truck until my co-workers literally drove it over a cliff in a horrific accident.  I visited the crash site and picked up the truck's taillamp assembly as a macabre souvenir.

Fourth generation Chevy Caprice (marked):

When these came out in 1991, every police agency wanted them.  There were two principal complaints. One, as the above picture illustrates, the rubber front door guard prevented police departments from painting the full police logo on the door.  The guards had to be either removed or covered up, like in the picture above.  Second, there were gremlins with the ABS, which had a tendency to muck up braking at high speeds-- and often while going down steep hills.

The scariest ride of my life was in one of these Caprices.  It was 3 a.m. and rainy.  The cop I was riding with was a bit spirited in his driving down a windy road.  He lost control, spun out, and did a 540 (1 1/2 rotations).  Miraculously, the car (and us) came out unscathed.

I also got to ride in the back of another Caprice once.  It contained essentially two deep, hard, molded plastic buckets.  This made it easy to clean when the arrestee inevitably barfed or pissed in the squad car.  The seatbelt receptacles stuck out of the seats to make it easier for the cop to belt handcuffed prisoners.  Of course, the back doors only opened from the outside.

I only had one chance to drive one of these, since only cops were allowed to drive them.  The car was a few days away from retirement.  All the exterior accoutrements-- roof light bar, swivel spotlights, front push bars-- were removed.  Unsightly holes were the only reminders of their existence.  The car was probably running on five or six cylinders and every single part was rattling or squeaking.  It was pathetic.

If you've got 10 minutes and are fascinated with this car, here is a video of one in almost mint condition. There is nothing like the sound and sensation of the Caprice's V8 roar when the gas pedal is floored right after a Code 3 call on the radio.

  

Jeep Cherokee (marked):

After the loss of the S-10, we got an XJ.  Out of an abundance of caution, it was outfitted with a top-of-the-line roll cage.  The interior was tight.  With the cage, it was even more cramped.

Ford Aerostar (unmarked):

I drove this more than any other vehicle.  It was perfectly decent and utilitarian.  I still get nostalgic when I see one today on the road.

Third generation Chevy Camaro (unmarked):

This was the narc-mobile.  Whenever the detectives had to do a stakeout or tail someone, the Camaro was used.  I got to drive it once, when all the other cars were unavailable for one reason or another.  I took it down that same windy road where I had the incident with the Caprice.  By the time I got to the bottom, the Camaro's brakes smelled, a lot.

Dodge Ram V10 (marked):

This is more of an Honorable Mention, as I never drove it.  When the newly designed Ram came out in 1994, it had a V10 option.  As in the same 8.3 liter engine found in the Viper.  The department picked one up and made it its bomb squad truck.  Trouble was, it was a lemon.  It spent more time in the shop than the police department parking lot.

3 comments:

Edvin said...

Great post. Sounds like an interesting job with the dog costume, police cars and all. Also thanks for introducing me to saabkyle04 on Youtube, I immediately liked his videos.

Maxichamp said...

@Edvin: That guy is doing what I was trying to do with the Bitter SC- walk around the car and capture the little things. Check out his video of the Lambo LM002.

Edvin said...

Yeah, it's cool. I also like the Cadillac Allante. There seems to be a separate button on the dash for everything. There's even an on/off-toggle switch AND a separate for turning the lights off. Confusing.. Wonder how many buttons it has on the dash altogether.