What Do You Think? The MacArthur Maze

I've always wanted to contribute to The Onion's "What Do You Think?". Seeing as I have zero chance of doing that, please indulge my feeble attempt at humor. For the topic, I have chosen whatever the top local story is on sfgate.com.

Two Months For I-580 Ramp
The head of Caltrans annouced that it will take two months to reopen the connector that was melted down by the burning fuel truck. What do you think?

Devon Jackson

Criminal Defense Attorney

"I hope the used car lot from which I just bought the General Lee has a return policy. I had planned on beating the traffic by jumping the collapsed span a la 'dem Duke Boys.'"

Joe Kowalczuk

HVAC Repairman

"Damn. I was counting on using the "Stuck in the Maze" excuse on my parole officer for the next six months while I moonlighted at my friend's garage-based meth lab."

Denise Royal

Graduate Student

"I just hope our state legislators will hold hearings to find out why our freeways are made out of industrial grade Cadbury chocolate. It has a low melting point, people!"

Margaret Henderson

Retired Counselor

"It's wonderful that we will return to trouble free Bay Area commutes in just two months."

Robert Coldwell

Actuary

"I heard that to chip in, Governor Schwarzenegger will prop up the fallen connector with unsold VHS copies of Red Heat and Jingle All the Way."

Aneesh Patel

Motel Operator

"Does this mean they are going to bring back Sanjaya?"

CKY