You know you're in a cheap motel room if...

1. the complimentary shampoo is so suspect, even your cheap ass won't take the little bottle home;
2. you are forced to watch a Tyler Perry sitcom on TV because you're eating that gas station deli sandwich and you don't want to cross-contaminate your fingers by touching the remote control;
3. the bedside lamp mysteriously turns off when you're reading and turns on when you're sleeping;
4. you never take off your socks, ever, while you're at the motel room; and
5. when you do take off your socks, you avoid looking at the sole of your socks because you don't want to see what is stuck to it.