Spicy Russians

This weekend, the Russians will elect a new president. Though Putin will not necessarily be riding off into the sunset and retiring to his dacha in the Crimean, people are already looking back at what he has done for Mother Russia. She is once again strong and intimidating. The standard of living, overall, has been better than ever. Of course, some live much better than others. The Russian elite's obsession with the Porsche Cayenne is a great example of one side of the economic chasm that divides Russia.

Cayenne police car pulling over Carrera GT.

Moscow fire department Cayenne S.

Rastafarian edition Cayenne.

Russia's biggest cell phone tycoon had this Volga specially made.
Other than the bodywork, it is a twin turbo Cayenne.

Imitation Cayenne, based on a Touareg.

CKY

All photos and stories courtesy English Russia.

Viva Obama Ad

Viva Obama. Adios a Hillary.

CKY

The Backfire (Tu-22M) is Back!

As Putin re-asserts Russia's military might with regular bomber flights to the American and British coasts, we are again reminded of the beautiful machinery that made up the Soviet Air Force. The Tu-22M Backfire, a supersonic medium range bomber, is an exquisite example of Cold War chic.

Capable of traveling at over Mach 2, this bomber saw combat in Afghanistan and Chechnya. Iran and China tried to buy them, but Russia was not willing to upset the regions' balances of power. Russia still has 162 running, more or less. No other country has the Backfire, with the exception of India, which recently leased three or four of them.

Cold War-vintage range map

CKY

Obama Is A Millionaire!

Tomorrow's news today, folks. The headline tomorrow will be that Obama has received donations from one million Americans. Quite a feat. Below is his tally tonight.


CKY

Rides of Heads of State, Breather Edition

For this post, I want to focus on what I can't find. To date, I have found the cars, SUVs, and one pick-up truck of leaders from 167 countries. But what about the 29 countries I can't find information (thus far) for? I'll divide them up by region. If any of you have any leads, please feel free to pass them along to me.

Europe: Andorra, Liechtenstein, Malta, San Marino.
Not surprisingly, all four of the missing countries are microstates. My bet is that eventually, I'll discover that these leaders all ride in European luxury sedans.

Africa: Benin, Burkina Faso, Central African Republic, Comoros, Guinea-Bissau, Mauritania, Niger, Sao Tome and Principe, Seychelles.
These are mostly poorer and lesser-known countries. Their official government websites are abysmal, if they exist at all. I'll be lucky to find their official rides during a random clip shown on the BBC World News. I'm not holding my breath. I hypothesize that the split will be 60/40, Merc S-Class/Land Cruiser.

Americas: Guatemala, Paraguay, Suriname.
I believe these three will be the easiest to find. There are new pictures of Guatemala's Colom posted hourly. I have already concluded what Paraguay's president rides in, and I am studying Suriname's Venetiaan's ride. Stay tuned.

Asia: Kyrgyzstan, Laos, Vietnam.
Only a matter of time before I find the cars that go with these three countries. I predict Mercedes for Kyrgyzstan and Vietnam and a Caddy or Lincoln for Laos.

Oceania: Kiribati, Marshall Islands, Micronesia, Nauru, Papua New Guinea, Samoa, Solomon Islands, Tuvalu.
These will be as tough to find as the remaining African states. I have noticed two trends as I search for these leaders' rides. First, these countries have small populations and are very poor. Second, many of these countries' only claim to fame is being a pawn in the epic Cold War struggle that is Taiwanese-Chinese diplomatic recognition. The PRC and ROC governments and their agents overtly and covertly spend millions of dollars every year trying to get tiny, poor countries in Oceania (and Central America, the Caribbean, and Africa) to stop recognizing the ROC/PRC and start recognizing the PRC/ROC.

The storylines are pathetic, but somewhat amusing. It is ironic that Taiwan, which many academics believe is the ancestral homeland of the Polynesians (who stretch from Madagascar in the west to Easter Island in the east), is now an annoying and important part of Oceanian politics.

Here are a couple of samplings of the state of Oceania. First, Nauru is an eight square mile speck in the Micronesian South Pacific. For most of this century, it earned its fortune through the mining of phosphate. But an eight square mile island only holds so much phosphate. It is out of the mineral now and it is out of luck. This shot of an old Nauruan Mercedes 380SEL captures the state of Nauru perfectly. What was once an extravagantly well appointed executive sedan is now rusting, with its badge stolen, and with a broken turn signal.


Here is a shot of the door to Tuvalu's prime minister's office. The sign is taped onto the door and a bit torn. Just imagine how many people, expecting the men's or lady's room, interrupted the PM in deep contemplation before he told his assistant to post this sign. Sad, that.

Enough of the non sequitur. Here's Paraguay.

168. Paraguay. GM Yukon. Duarte Frutos' predecessor's ride was a lot more interesting. It was an armored BMW, which was apparently stolen and registered by El Presidente as a Toyota. Oh, the wacky hijinks. For the record, Paraguay supports Taiwan and there is a huge statue of Chiang Kai-Shek in Ciudad del Este, that haven for smugglers in the Southern Cone.


Updated tally:
S-class: 56
7 series: 15
Land Cruiser: 15
A8: 9
Maybach: 6
Caddy: 5
Suburban/Yukon: 5
Mitsubishi Montero/Pajero: 4
Phaeton: 4
G-wagen: 4
Holden-Chevy-Opel: 3
H2: 3
Jag: 2
ZIL: 2
Volvo: 2
Touareg: 2

One of each of the following: Lancia, Hyundai, Skoda, A6, Peugeot, Renault, Lincoln, VW van, London taxi, Daimler, Toyota Century, Hongqi, Bentley, Rolls, Ford Fairlane, Aston Martin, SEAT, Ford Expedition, Nissan Patrol, Stutz, Suzuki, Camry, Toyota Crown, Toyota Sequoia, Proton, Land Rover, Ford F150, Mitsubishi Galant, Lincoln Town Car, Hummer H1, Chrysler Imperial

CKY

What Hillary and the Media Failed to Learn from Iraq

The Democratic race, as it stands now, sharply reveals that neither Hillary Clinton nor the American media has learned their lessons from the Iraq failure.

Lessons mis-un-learned?

First, Hillary. Hillary's planning and strategy pre-Super Tuesday is eerily akin to the Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld planning of our Iraq war. Hillary (Bush) thought that with her (his) formidable political (military) machine, she (he) would win the nomination (Iraq war) on Super Tuesday (within weeks). That Clinton had no contingency plan for the state contests after Super Tuesday is sheer hubris. It is as asinine as our administration's belief that the entire war effort would be paid by gushing oil revenues.

Greeted as liberators/Clinch the nom on Super Tuesday

Now, to the media. I believe that subconsciously, the media feels so guilt-ridden about its support of the Iraq war and its utter absence of investigation and follow-up into the WMD claims, that it wants to make amends with the American public. Subconsciously, it wants Obama to win.

How does it accomplish this, you ask? By being easy on Obama and not doing enough to "vet" him. Of course, it could very well be that the media has already vetted him thoroughly and turned up nothing. But if there are skeletons in his closet, and I mean skeletons that are relevant to his ability to lead our country, then the media has a duty to find them. By giving Obama a free pass, it is just as guilty of neglect as its prior malfeasance in the run-up to the Iraq invasion.

Superman or Super Dud?

Predictions: Hillary loses by just a couple of points in Wisconsin tomorrow. Obama ekes by in Texas, causing Hillary to call it quits within three days.

Disclosure: I am an Obama supporter and I approved this message.

CKY

The Duel: Down Memory Lane

This weekend, I watched The King of Kong, a documentary about an underdog who rose from the ashes like a phoenix and proved to everyone that he was a gentleman and a scholar, with a heart beneath his vest.

In watching the movie, filled with nostalgic sequences of arcade classics like Q-Bert, Tron, Centipede, and Donkey Kong, I am reminded of one of my favorite 80s computer game, Test Drive II: The Duel. It pitted a Ferrari F40 against the Porsche 959, the supercars du jour.

At the time, I thought the game overall, and the graphics and sound in particular, were at the pinnacle of 20th century technology. How could it possibly get any better than this?




Here is a clip of The Duel on the Amiga. Mind you, on my pathetic Tandy, the sound and graphics were worse than this!

And this is what we have to look forward to in Gran Turismo 5, 19 years after The Duel:

I can't wait.

CKY

Knight Rider- Down the Shitter

Last night, about 10 minutes past 9 p.m., I got a phone call. Without looking at the caller ID screen, I knew who the caller was and the reason for the call. It was my friend E, telling me to watch the new Knight Rider. I think the overwhelming consensus among fans of the original show is that the new version sucks, big time. I just hope it does not get made into a TV series.

I have compiled a list of reasons why the new show sucks. Feel free to press play on the original show's intro below so that you can listen to the rad techno/electronica beat while you peruse the list.

10. KITT's voice. For a while, Will Arnett, a.k.a. GOB from Arrested Development, was cast as the voice of KITT. But apparently, Arnett had signed a non-compete clause when he did a GM ad a while back. So who do we get? Val Kilmer! I respect him as an actor, but he was dry, flat, and android-like, in a bad way.

9. The acting. David Hasselhoff was no great thespian in the original series. But yesterday's made-for-tv movie set a new low. As Chris Rock once quipped, "I've seen better acting in a Cambodian wh^&*house!"

8. No Bonnie! I don't know who this glorified Stanford T.A. is in the new show, but she is no Bonnie Barstow. Just look at that hair!

'Nuf said.

7. Product placement. That the show was entirely financed by the good people at Ford is pathetic. Though the use of the Mustang was controversial, it is forgivable given the demise of the GM F-body. But to have a POS Edge chasing (and keeping pace with) the Mustang at 120 mph in the "hills of the Bay Area" is just sad.

6. No Turbo Boost. The 'Stang is bulletproof, can morph colors and apparently grow after-market accessories. But no Turbo Boost?! Sacrilege.


5. Special effects. It looks like the special effects people took a two-week vacation and handed over the reins to a team of dumb chimpanzees. The special effects are awful.

4. The FBI special agents. That, my friends, is why we are losing the War On Terror(tm). Total incompetence.

Special Agent Fife

3. Plot lines. A new black Mustang is so going to blend in in Prague. Yeah, good luck with that.

2. The Hoff. His cameo was pathetic. Something tells me he got paid more for his four lines than the actor who played his son for the entire "movie".

1. Gratuitous sexual content. The FBI agent with the one-night stand. Mike in bed with two women. This is a family show. Cut that crap out.

CKY

Rides of Heads of State (Part 25.5)

164. Sudan. Mr. Nice Guy rides in a Merc S-class.

165. Uzbekistan. Karimov's goons have been known to give months-long gulag vacations to those who take pictures of his Merc S-class. So no photo for you.

166. Barbados. Mitsubishi Pajero.

167. Bahamas. The Bahamian PMs have always been partial to American sedans. A 2000 photo showed the then-PM's Lincoln Continental. Here, we see the current PM next to his Caddy DTS.

I thought I'd solve the puzzles that are the official cars of Paraguay and Suriname, but no. Stay tuned.

Updated tally:
S-class: 56
7 series: 15
Land Cruiser: 15
A8: 9
Maybach: 6
Caddy: 5
Mitsubishi Montero/Pajero: 4
Phaeton: 4
G-wagen: 4
Suburban: 4
Holden-Chevy-Opel: 3
H2: 3
Jag: 2
ZIL: 2
Volvo: 2
Touareg: 2

One of each of the following: Lancia, Hyundai, Skoda, A6, Peugeot, Renault, Lincoln, VW van, London taxi, Daimler, Toyota Century, Hongqi, Bentley, Rolls, Ford Fairlane, Aston Martin, SEAT, Ford Expedition, Nissan Patrol, Stutz, Suzuki, Camry, Toyota Crown, Toyota Sequoia, Proton, Land Rover, Ford F150, Mitsubishi Galant, Lincoln Town Car, Hummer H1, Chrysler Imperial

CKY

Rides of Heads of State (Part 25)

A few housekeeping matters before we continue. First, I want to thank those of you who have read my compilation, used it as inspiration for your blogs/websites, and cited this humble blog. It means a lot to have my work acknowledged.

Second, semantics. As you can tell by now, the cars I've listed may belong to a country's head of state, i.e. president, or head of government, i.e. prime minister. In certain circumstances, the car may be attributed to a ceremonial head, such as a king. Finally, as was the case of Bangladesh yesterday, I identified the de facto leader's vehicle, who may not necessarily be a president, prime minister, or ceremonial head. The point of this list is to give the public a taste and peek at what "leaders" around the world ride in, one country at a time.

Finally, the countries. My goal is to list the vehicles of every one of the 192 members of the U.N., plus Taiwan, the Vatican, Palestine, and Kosovo (which should be declaring independence and receiving near universal recognition this weekend). With today's list, I will have 163 countries, which means I am 83% done. The rest will be challenging, as I will need to find cars from Andorra, Burkina Faso, Micronesia, Sao Tome and Principe,....

158. Switzerland. The Swiss are ruled by a seven-member Federal Council. Here, we see one of the members with her A8 behind her.

159. Kuwait. The Emir steps out of a GMC Suburban. I was expecting a Maybach or at least an S-class. But seeing as how us Amurikans saved the Kuwaitis' asses, they should buy one of our gas guzzlers.


160. Ethiopia. Here we see the president stepping out of his old Lincoln Town Car.


161. Cyprus. This was a tough one. First, I confirmed that the photo was taken in Cyprus by identifying the uniforms of the officers behind Papadopolous. Then, the car. After examining the roofline, the shape of the rear view mirror, and the shape of the headrest, I have concluded that this is a Merc S-class.

162. Djibouti. With the entire country virtually fed, clothed, and housed with U.S. military dollars, no wonder Guelleh rides in a Hummer-- with whitewall tires no less. That's class.

163. Peru. In a show of austerity, President Alan Garcia put a few presidential cars on the auction block. The car in the forefront (which I shall officially attribute to Peru on my list) is a 1972 Chrysler Imperial. The boat in the background is a 1973 Chrysler New Yorker. That's pimp.

Updated tally:
S-class: 54
7 series: 15
Land Cruiser: 15
A8: 9
Maybach: 6
Phaeton: 4
Caddy: 4
G-wagen: 4
Suburban: 4
Holden-Chevy-Opel: 3
H2: 3
Mitsubishi Montero/Pajero: 3
Jag: 2
ZIL: 2
Volvo: 2
Touareg: 2

One of each of the following: Lancia, Hyundai, Skoda, A6, Peugeot, Renault, Lincoln, VW van, London taxi, Daimler, Toyota Century, Hongqi, Bentley, Rolls, Ford Fairlane, Aston Martin, SEAT, Ford Expedition, Nissan Patrol, Stutz, Suzuki, Camry, Toyota Crown, Toyota Sequoia, Proton, Land Rover, Ford F150, Mitsubishi Galant, Lincoln Town Car, Hummer H1, Chrysler Imperial

CKY

Rides of Heads of State (Part 24)

152. Palau. I suspected that leaders in Oceania were constrained by budgets and may have to use their personal vehicles. I think that is the case here with Palau's president's Ford F150 pickup.

153. Greece. The geriatric but amiable president rides in a Merc S-class.

154. Honduras. El Presidente Alto rides in a big Suburban.

155. Tunisia. The great leader rides in the ubiquitous Merc S-class.

156. Vanuatu. After watching a 30 minute documentary on Vanuatu and the West Papuan independence movement, I discovered that the poor PM rides in a black Mitsubishi Galant.

157. Bangladesh. With the government in chaos, the true leader is Army Chief of Staff General Moeen Ahmed. He rides in a Mitsu Montero/Pajero. And according to El General, he does not condone torture and human rights groups are full of shit.

Updated tally:
S-class: 53
7 series: 15
Land Cruiser: 15
A8: 8
Maybach: 6
Phaeton: 4
Caddy: 4
G-wagen: 4
Holden-Chevy-Opel: 3
H2: 3
Suburban: 3
Mitsubishi Montero/Pajero: 3
Jag: 2
ZIL: 2
Volvo: 2
Touareg: 2

One of each of the following: Lancia, Hyundai, Skoda, A6, Peugeot, Renault, Lincoln, VW van, London taxi, Daimler, Toyota Century, Hongqi, Bentley, Rolls, Ford Fairlane, Aston Martin, SEAT, Ford Expedition, Nissan Patrol, Stutz, Suzuki, Camry, Toyota Crown, Toyota Sequoia, Proton, Land Rover, Ford F150, Mitsubishi Galant

CKY

The Continental's Back

The 1991-2002 Continental is not photogenic. Magazine articles, print ads, and other two dimensional representations of the beast do not and cannot properly capture its presence and conservative beauty. Worse yet, 98% of the photographs of the car are of the front end.


The car has been so blase in my mind's eye, I do not recall ever seeing one in real life until last weekend. While hunting for parking, I had a chance to closely follow a Continental that was also slowly creeping along, looking for parking.


The first thing I noticed was its size. This is not your typical uber-coupe, like the Mercedes W126 SEC coupe, or even the newer W140 or W215 CL coupes. It looks bigger. This Bentley is massive and rides high. It stands at almost five feet in height and weighs in at almost three tons (with two occupants). Worse (or better), its 0.73 coefficient of drag is slightly better than that of a box of Kleenex.

In spite of its hulking presence, it is understated and elegant. I was especially captivated by the rear third of the car. It is a true testament to the designer's skills that a few simple lines can translate into confidence and stability. Though its cousin, the Turbo R saloon, will always be my favorite Bentley, the Continental is growing on me.

CKY

Exposing One's 993 Turbo

I just spent a relaxing weekend in Laguna Beach. I was amazed by the sheer quantity and quality of the exotic iron down there. 356s of every iteration. At least six Lamborghinis, a Dino, two 190SL roadsters, a Bentley Continental, three Cobras, etc., etc.

What shocked me the most was what I witnessed on the street where we were staying. Across the street from our cottage, outside a modest garage which abutted the street (there was no sidewalk), sat a midnight blue 993 Turbo in Concours condition. I asked myself, why doesn't the owner park the Porsche in his garage? Why expose it to the elements?

Then I got my answer. The garage door opened and out came a red Ferrari 275. It was magnificent. The muffled burbling from the V12 sent a shiver down my spine. I immediately imagined what I'd do with that car on PCH. The thoughts were lewd.

That's why the Porsche was parked outside, exposed.


CKY

Merc Limos x 3

CKY

Out with the Old (Mika), In with the New (Ralf)

I would love to delve into the minds of former F1 drivers Ralf Schumacher and Mika Hakkinen. What are they thinking?

Ralf has two big issues-- issues big enough to keep a phalanx of shrinks employed in perpetuity. First, he is the younger brother of seven time world champion Michael. Though everyone thought highly of Ralf's talents (he was certainly well compensated in anticipation of his potential), his career in Formula One was a big disappointment. I can only imagine how his mediocre career and successful big brother are eating him up inside. Poor guy.

Now that Ralf is out of Formula One, his search for glory continues. After two pseudo-secretive test drives, it looks like he will be driving for Mercedes in the 2008 DTM series. But the two motorsports are so different. He has a steep learning curve and impatient fans waiting for him. Will he succeed? Will failure further destroy this man's soul? Michael has urged him to resist driving in the DTM series. If Ralf heeds Michael's counsel, is he not perpetuating the role of the less talented, and naive, little brother?


On the other end of the DTM life cycle, we have two time F1 world champion Mika Hakkinen. In his three years at DTM, he had moderate success. In a field of young whipper snappers, Mika was definitely the elder statesman.

What's going through his head, as he announced last November that he was retiring from racing? Has he found closure? Is he content? Will his lack of success in DTM pester his subconscious for the rest of his life? In the 2007 season, I always enjoyed his post-race interviews, regardless of whether he won or lost. He seemed at peace with everything. He was focused and competitive, but he saw the big picture. His answers were detailed, entertaining, and honest. I will miss Mika.


CKY