What I Would Have Tweeted In LA (If I Had A Twitter Account)

• How can Enterprise categorize this Ford Grand Marquis that I'm driving as a "Premium Car"?
• Stuck in traffic on the 405. Maserati Ghibli to my left in the carpool lane. Citroen DS parked on the right shoulder with unknown malady.
• Hwy billboard for $2999 breast augmentation. Only in L.A. Is that price for just one or the pair?
• Waiting in long line for artificially low-priced gas at Costco reminds me of Soviet planned economy.
• Eating Lap Lao, a Laotian beef salad consisting of mint, peppers, and crushed BEETLE. Tastes very bitter.